Wrestling with depression and anxiety is very much a battle with Satan over space within the mind and heart. It often feels like trying to throw off an extremely heavy, black, soaking wet blanket. Some days it is much heavier than that too. The weight is impossible and even when I have the energy to push back, wrestling with it only leads to despair. Negative emotions always feel like tiny grains of salt that constantly manage to find their way through the cracks to sting and burn. Anger, bitterness, hurt, fear, despair, and sadness… each is a unique vial of poison that, given even small entrance into the body, is absorbed to the blood stream with immediate and devastating effects to the whole person.
Trusting in my own ability to fight such a battle against these forces and tools of the Devil has disappointed me time and time again. Every failed journey to the front lines leaves me feeling more broken than I was before it. Lately it has left me thinking that maybe there are times in the Christian life when God strengthens you to pick up the sword and boldly enter the front lines, and there are also times when He reaches out His arms to pull you into the safety of His refuge.
Psalm 91
Vs 2 – “I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.”
Vs 4 – “He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.”
Vs 9-11 – “Because thou hast made the Lord, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation; There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling. For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways.”
He placed so many reassurances of safety against the Devil’s attacks in one Psalm. Through the heat of a raging battle, He makes us to dwell in a secret place, to abide under His shadow. He becomes our refuge, our fortress that is sure, that we place our trust wholly in. We have perfect confidence and security there. There is no fear that a flaming arrow will pierce through the solid walls, no fear that demons will come crashing through.
He condescends to our simple minds in giving us this picture of a mother bird shielding her chicks from harm with her wings. How He loves us in even drawing that comparison to Himself. He covers us with His feathers, giving a place of safety under His wings that we can trust. As defenseless chicks that truly have no means of defending ourselves, we look up to see the cover of His wings shielding us from every side, blocking our view of the dangers around us. We are not even able to see what we would fear. He gives us refuge and even rest from the battle under His sure covering. His truth becomes a shield and buckler to protect us. Never has there been a surer and more unfailing stronghold than this. Such a perfect refuge - and a faith in that refuge He puts in our hearts - gives us the ability to lean into a soothing peace that would otherwise be impossible with the fiery chaos exploding around us on every side. No evil can possibly befall you, no trouble can find you; not even the plague of depression and anxiety can seep through the absolute walls of His protection.
This is the comfort He wraps around the weary saint, the exhausted soldier. This is the relief He gives you to breathe in when depression feels so suffocating. This is the calm that counters the anxiety of earthly life. It is okay to lean into His peace and refuge; it is okay to just stop and rest here during this time in your life. You are fortified, you are delivered. You are shielded, you are defended. You are kept, you are saved.
You are covered. You are safe, so very safe, under His wings.
Comments